Greetings, love and peace be with you.
We have started our own cult and have been growing daily.

I have been growing daily too, and I'll tell you why. Every hour Imust eat ghee in order to lubricate and cleanse my sparkling inner organs. Scriptures say a guru should consume 1,600 grams of ghee per day.

But Friar John and I must ask, what is the secret to a happy and healthy cult? We have hot tub water and holy juice for our followers but they seem to think cults are not fun anymore. So Holy One, we ask of you for your guidance and grace,

I know nothing of cults and everything about the One True Way of Blissful Quantum Totality. My way--the way of Me--the way of learning to love Me as much I love Me: this involves putting your followers into a state of terrified joy. Their egos must be melted and remolded in your image. Seekers must be separated from their families, deprived of sleep, and crammed full of fierce, burning love--the very same "hunk of burnin' love" of which Lord Elvis spoke. Then, by God, they will have "fun," and so will you.

The two men who should be sainted, The friars of forgiveness
wwww.friarsofforgiveness.com
www.tellmeyourcrime.com

Love me,
Master Nashwan

One reader of this web site responds simply but forcefully with the following: "GET HIM OUT OF ME."

Perhaps the spiritual revelation "I am inside you always" requires interpretation. My love is similar in some respects to a virus you might acquire through unprotected sharing of yourself. I have shared myself with you and the love will continue to give throughout your lifetime. Unlike the viruses of the physical plane, my love serves as manna for your soul, which would otherwise wilt like a rubber chicken.

Love Me,
Master Nashwan

P.S.  No, there is no vaccine.

Another reader wonders if Nashwan is "...supposed to be NOSHwan... he's providing snacks. The next revelation is that he's Jewish."

You have evidently confused me with Master Knishwan. From his Talmudic verses comes the rhetorical Judeo-Zen-Hindu koan:
"How much knish can a Krishna nosh, if the Krishna must stay kosher?"

Love me,
Master Nashwan

When I printed your portrait it was split in two. I suppose there is no significance in that but I can't help but wonder.

I have one foot in nirvanic bliss, and another in the temporal plane. This has forced your befuddled printer to extrude a double portrait to represent this duality. Forgive the machine, then smash it into pieces. Having printed me, it has fulfilled its mission on earth.

Love me,
Master Nashwan